Friday, August 29, 2008

Lord Obama bin Biden for Galactic Chancellor!!!

I give in. The pomp and circumstance are just simply too much. I'm only human. Resistance truly is futile. Obama's sarcastic and dismissive brow-beating last night finally stole my last ounce of strength. I must embrace the dark side.
And Darth Biden. Those teeth! Those amazingly white, shockingly gleaming teeth! So beautiful. So dangerously sharp...
And speaking of teeth, I never did see Michelle's all night. Did they wire her mouth shut or something? Or maybe Obama the Great did one of those things where he choked her without touching her - the Dark Side really is powerful.
They will stop at nothing. They've already stooped to calling McCain a "senile...old man". They've called the majority of our fellow citizens "clingers" to guns and God. Now Gov. Palin gets her turn. It's almost too easy - Obama Khan will probably leave the dirty part to Joe - calling her a "typical white broad". Of course her five kids will likely have to suffer, too. The stakes are just too high.
Let's just surrender now. We are ignorant and poorly-educated. Not all of us poor kids get to go to Harvard, you know. Only the "special" ones.
We welcome your Pax Obama, O Great One!!! We salute you!!! We await the glorious coming of the New Age you promised us!!! May the Earth begin to cool as you gloriously predicted!!! Indeed, We are the ones We've been waiting for!!! I see it so clearly now. Your wisdom, it burns my tiny brain, your Eminence...!!!
...Oh my goodness. Even I underestimated the depths of depravity to which some of the lefties are stooping about Palin and her children. I just checked in on HotAir...unreal.
I wonder if His Eminence will repudiate the comments. If not, it should be the duty of all decent, moderate Democrats to jump ship on him. This is beyond "swiftboating". This is beyond dirty. I'm starting to think there really is a Dark Side involved here.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Breaking News in the Class War: Obama bin Biden Invades Denver

In a typically dreary and narcotic lefty speech, Senator Joseph Biden accepted the nomination of the American Communist Party for the vice-chancellorship of the country of Unitedstates. In the speech, he lamented the current state of American affairs. As he put it, never before in his lifetime had so many people been prevented from participating in the "American Dream". With his elderly mother nodding her approval from the cheap seats, he promised to change things.

What I did find surprising is the failure of the assembled members of the Democratic Socialist Peoples' Party to rise up with a groan of fury and rip him limb-from-limb for this open threat to their agenda. I mean, seriously. Restore the American Dream? The Socialists have worked so hard, and they had just about killed it. Plus, why would he bring up such a topic just when people had almost forgotten all about it?

Maybe he actually means it. Is that possible? I had always figured him for a typical liberal panderer, but maybe he actually aims to restore the American Dream. If so, we'll know soon enough. For those on the bottom of the "social ladder", he will demand that they go to 12 years of school before becoming eligible for social welfare, and will begin speaking in very direct and pointed terms about the destructiveness of single-parent homes, teenage births, drug culture, failure to learn English, and crooked local politics. This will be his first step in restoring the American Dream to those who, in his words, "need it most".

He'll likely then turn his attention to the nation's small-business owners, whose presence and success drives the nation's economy. He will likely publicly celebrate the most successful ones, praising their enormous incomes as a well-deserved reward for all their hard work, and encouraging others to follow their example. He will probably drop the tax burden on them and lower the capital gains tax rate so that their investments can be even more profitable for them, and so that they can hire more people - the people who had previously been living in miserable, unemployed squalor, until Senator Biden's brave stand for the American Dream. Now those people, too, are on the road to growing more powerful and independent. Maybe someday they, too, will own their own business and make it big.

He will have much more work to do, of course. This is only the beginning of restoring the American Dream. He will have to work to encourage large corporations to do business in America rather than moving overseas. He'll probably do this by lowering their exposure to frivolous lawsuits and by decreasing their tax burden, or at least by simplifying the tax law. When he does this, those companies and corporations won't "send jobs overseas" any more - they won't have to. They'll be able to hire Americans - probably some of the same ones that would have spent their previously uneducated lives waiting on the next hand-out or participating in the drug trade - that is, until Joe Biden came along and saved the American Dream for them.

Of course, this is all just speculation. I'm sure the Honorable Mr. Biden has much better ideas than mine. Or, I suppose, he could just continue to do what he's spent the first several decades of his career as a politician doing - the complete opposite of everything I suggested.

He could just keep on tacitly encouraging entire generations of the poorest Americans to stay uneducated, unmarried, untrained, and unintelligible. He could just continue to tell those people that none of that is their fault and that they should continue to trust him to fight all their battles for them, if they will just continue to blindly vote for him. He might just continue to support labor unions and trial attorneys as they make business nearly impossible for American companies, and then continue to smear the companies that move to countries where free enterprise is still a valued system. And, as Vice Chancellor, he may just continue to make it harder and harder for small businesses to begin and even harder to survive.

Or maybe I just have him and his agenda all wrong. Maybe a nation of dependent, uneducated, hopeless drones just working from check-to-check and always looking to the central government for their very survival is his picture of the American Dream that people are being robbed of. I guess maybe to him it means people who might as well save their energy instead of taking the risk of starting their own company because it only exposes them to greater legal and financial risk with no real hope of reaping a reward.

But I guess I could be wrong about Joe Biden. Maybe he's got the guts to save the world after all.

Monday, August 4, 2008

So there I was, without my foil hat...!

I awoke Friday morning with a sick feeling I couldn't quite put my finger on. I didn't feel ill. It was more like being "pre-ill" - that almost-but-not-quite sick feeling you get right before the fever hits. I continued feeling strangely all the way to work. I hadn't been aware of the total solar eclipse until I pulled up in the parking lot. Without a better cosmic excuse, I just chalked the weirdness up to that. As the day wore on, however, I began to wonder if it might have been something else.

Have you ever heard about how animals act before a natural disaster? Dogs before the "Christmas Tsunami" were said to inexplicably flee inland. Traditional lore in West Texas describes the bizarre behavior of pets hours, sometimes even a day or two, before a devastating tornado. I believe that this weird feeling I had Friday morning was the human equivalent. Everything in me said "Stay home!". I wish I'd have listened.

It started out very well - nice and easy until about 9:30. Then the gates opened. And it wasn't our typical mix of patients, either. It was as if every single disgruntled person in the world was trying to push their way into our waiting room. I had threats of lawsuit. I had to dismiss two patients within 10 minutes for being obstinate, malingering, and making false accusations against me. I had more lies, more threats, and on and on. It lasted nearly all day. By 4 p.m. I was nearly down for the count.

Somehow we made it through. I just wish I understood what caused this to happen - solar eclipse, mind-control rays gone mad...? Something was definitely up. I guess I'll know what to expect next time.