Monday, November 3, 2008


"I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal."

- Barack Hussein Obama

Berlin, 2008

In a shocking development, reported by scientists in Australia, then confirmed by their colleagues across the globe, beleaguered Earth herself seems to be readying itself for the ascendancy of Senator Barack Hussein Obama to the position of President of the United States of America.

Since 0500 GMT yesterday, the oceans have dropped an average of 14.5 inches worldwide. An advisor close to the Obama campaign, who spoke on condition of anonymity, confirmed that this was indeed the moment that the final poll results were in, and the Senator's win appeared finally to be inevitable.

"We kept trying to tell people", he said. "Maybe they will finally hear Mother Gaia's voice crying out now".

An Unprecedented Change:

Dr. Sydney Perthman, a climatologist and geologist working with the Australia Survey Project, spoke about the shocking findings. He and a team of researchers have been in the Australian outback since 2004, monitoring satellite images of Australia's coastline and comparing them with on-the-ground data and GPS locations.
"It was bizarre...shipwrecks have been popping up for the last couple of days at low tide. I don't know how to explain it." Dr. Perthman was reluctant to confirm whether he thought that Senator Obama's rise to power and prior promises about its effects on climate had anything to do with what he's been seeing. "It's a bit early for that sort of speculation", he said.

Change that brings Hope:

The ocean levels aren't the only thing changing. After recognizing the clear parallels between the dropping oceanic levels and improvements in Obama's chances, a series of other Obama prophecies have been examined. It appears that sick people, who have been without any care since mid-January of 2000, are now being seen by doctors again. Doctor groups are overjoyed. Adam Freidman, MD, assistant to the President of the American Medical Association, said "We've been sitting around for 8 years - just hoping and praying for something to do. Doctors had almost lost all touch with reality. Our art was dying. Then yesterday, like a flick of a switch, sick people. Lots and lots of sick people. All getting care. I don't know where they've been. I guess just riding out the last eight years in sick misery. Thank God it's better. This is truly a hopeful change!".

It doesn't stop there. In a stunning reversal to the lay-offs and corporate greed that have been the hallmark of recent months, the largest 10 companies in the U.S. announced that they would be offering 6- to 7-figure salaried V.P. positions to hundreds of currently jobless people. The time of the announcement sent shivers up the spine of the new VP for management at Pfizer corporation, Mark Groves, sitting on his old park bench covered with a newspaper - "This is just unf******believable, man. Truly, bro".

Stories are also coming out of the Brazilian rainforest as missionaries and environmentalists reach communication. They report that the rain forests, previously thought lost to irresponsible agricultural expansion, have experienced what has been described by some as a "Jack and the Beanstalk" kind of overnight growth. "The earth is actually starting to heal itself", said one ecologist with National Geographic Society's permanent facility in the region, "thank God America made the right choice."

Hope that brings change:

An unorthodox theory has been proposed by Dr. Charles Swootz, a professor of applied psychology at MIT. "It is at least possible that Obama has actually been correct in saying what had previously been thought a simple rhetorical flourish. We have been researching the possibility that positive thoughts effect the environment. Perhaps with this election process, the American people have actually begun to change their environment - through hope".

A muslim cleric, Louis Farakhan, disagrees. "The Earth simply is receiving its Mahdi - it's messiah. This was all foretold. The oceans and trees are celebrating with all humanity, the arrival of The One. Oh, and just wait until Inauguration Day - the crippled will walk, the blind will see...Oh. And whitey will be destroyed."

Regardless of the cause, this turnaround is truly phenomenal. We await more information.

The Fix is In. Those of You Who Love Liberty - Brace Yourselves

I shall not openly admit that this is over. Though it appears that things look bad. The Enemies of the Constitution have apparently gained the opportunity to "remake" our 232-year-old Republic into something that our forefathers would not have recognized. "How?", you ask? Through a successful combination of
(1) 50 years of race-baiting,
(2) 40 years of class-warfare-baiting,
(3) a government complicit in a fraudulent election a la A.C.O.R.N., and
(4) a public, largely so media-obsessed that they presented no resistance to the smooth operation of the empty eggshell of a campaign run by a self-described Marxist, class partisan, and terrorist symptathizer.
No, I shall not openly retreat. As a former Marine, I prefer to "attack in a different direction" (Col. Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, Korea, 1951). I also swore an oath to "defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic". Because I take that very seriously, and because I sincerely believe that Barack Hussein Obama and the rest of his socialist atheist democrat colleagues are a threat to our Constitutution, I will try and prepare you all for what an Obama Administration can and very well may do to (and despite) our beloved Constitution.
Incidentally, here's a much better and more comprehensive treatment of Obama's record on the Constitution than I could ever produce.
Chris of Rights blog (excellent reading, incidentally)

If the campaign and his past votes, statements, and actions are any indication, we can expect

  1. An administration that squelches free speech (especially free speech that is disagreeable to him - that's "hate speech", by the way, punishable by law).
  2. We should prepare, once again, to defend our right to bear arms - quite literally to the death, if necessary. May God forbid.
  3. We should prepare for a further erosion of our civil liberties and civil rights...unless, of course, we are one of the "Special Americans" identified as fertile ground for unquestioning Democrat votes - homosexuals, minorities, atheists, and communists.
  4. We should brace for a massive expansion of the central government and
  5. We should prepare to see a massive increase in the amount of money we must give them to spend on their pet causes that undermine our economic and physical security.

Those of us who continue to believe in the ideals upon which this country was founded must make a decision, now. What will we do to best serve our nation and our families? Wait for the mid-term elections and hope for a 1994-style Gingrichesque backlash? Go survivalist and await the nearly inevitable decline of our society when Reed, Pelosi, Frank, Schumer, and Obama can not resist the temptation to raise taxes? Secede?

I don't know what to do or what to advocate. But I do know this. I will continue to teach my son about the country as it should have been. He needs to know what was great about our Republic before we gave it away to the worst kind of American - one who wants to make us mediocre like everybody else. And I will remain ever-vigilant, hoping to see some sign of life - like the first tender green shoot to spring up in the wasteland following a volcanic eruption or something - the undeniable evidence that Freedom and Liberty are growing in a new land. Then I will go there and help, and teach my children to help. And we will try not to repeat the mistakes that have led to this tragic loss of Liberty. Maybe we'll get it right next time.